The waiting game

Last Thursday was my CT scan. Who knew it would be so stressful.

On the way to my appointment, I felt emotional. I really want this test to bring some positive news in my life. I was listening to music and tears wanted to come out. The strangest thing was that I wasn’t thinking of anything specific.

I was looking forward for this test, but I was also scared of it. This is the moment of truth. Did the treatment work or are we at the same place as the beginning. I hope I don’t need a stronger chemotherapy treatment. This one is already awful to start with.

Breathe… Hold… You can breathe…

This is what you hear during a CT Scan, but it also feels the same while waiting for my results. I had the breathe for a while. The CT Scan is done, I am on the hold… Now I am waiting for the “you can breathe”, the result.

It’s the waiting game… until I get the results, this will be on my r mind every single day.

Waiting for the results brings back emotions and the thoughts I tried to remove from my head so I can be positive. I just feel powerless.

Every little pains makes me worry. I am afraid that the disease spread elsewhere. My CT scan was only done for my chest. Who knows what’s happening in the rest of my body, but I have to trust that my doctor knows what he is doing.

I might be overthinking things and also paranoid, but until I have actual proof that things are getting better, it is hard not to. I am hoping to get some news this Friday.

Fingers crossed…

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