He gave me a purpose…

A big part of my life, I didn’t know my purpose in life. Now that I made peace with myself and decided to stop comparing myself to others and be happy with what I have, now that death is threatening me, I pray for my life. I ask myself so many questions and the main one is “why are you giving me something so beautiful and precious and you’re threatening of taking it from me?”

I always knew that I would die of cancer one day, but never would have thought that I would get it at 40.

Seventeen months ago, I brought this little and precious little boy to this world. He is my little miracle and my joy. We waited 10 years to conceive and now cancer is menacing to cut my life short.

My beautiful little boy is my everything. He gives me joy, he gives me a purpose. I don’t want to leave him so soon. I want to see him grow, go to school, graduate and maybe see him get married one day. I want to be there for him every single day.

When you become parents, the way you think about life changes. You become more aware of certain things, you become more prudent, your focus changes.

When an illness threatens you to shorten your life, you reflect on your life and see it on a different angle. When you have a young child, it makes it even harder.

It makes you angry because it is unfair. It makes you sad because you think of the fact that your might not be there to share moments with your family. You have a denial phase which come in between all of the emotions because it feels surreal. Then there’s acceptance. I don’t think you can fully accept your illness, but you still accept your fate because if you don’t it will get you admitted in the psychiatric ward.

You don’t always realize what you have until something is threatening to take it away from you.

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