Parenting Struggle #3: Not Having Enough Eyes

Mom’s guilt has great power over us. You always worry if your kid is alright. You do whatever it takes to keep your kid safe, but you know that you have to step back one day so they learn to make mistakes. Once you loosen a little bit, something happens. Your kid gets hurt. You feel like crap. Then you are all over him and you make sure he’s alright and comforting him. When it’s your first child, you wonder if you need to go to the hospital or not even if it’s barely anything. A bump on the forehead, he cried maybe 5 minutes, maybe even less and now plays as nothing happened.

My son fell outside for the first time today. When I saw the distress in his eyes, I felt so guilty and the anxiety kicked in. I started feeling like I’m a bad mom that I should have seen it coming. In just a split second, he’s on the ground. I don’t even know how it happened. Things happen so quickly when you get distracted even if it’s just a second. I cried and still am when I think about it because you don’t know if things are good, even though he has a smile on his face. I keep your eyes open for signs, just in case. When things like that happen, you wish that you had eyes all around your head so you can see EVERYTHING!

You know that they need to learn, but as a mom, I find it so hard. You just want to overprotect your child, but you know that it’s not good and you will eventually need to step back even more and worry in your inside.

As a first time mom, I guess I have so much to learn. It’s probably a never-ending learning curve. Now that my son moves a lot more, things will become interesting. Today, it was probably more of a scare for him and the first time experiencing pain by falling. It was a first for me too and I’m probably overreacting a little, but as a mom, it’s probably my instinct that kicked in.

This is just the beginning of the adventure, there will be plenty more scare like this one.

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