Sometimes darkness suddenly invades my thoughts and I don’t know why. I fight with my thoughts to change my way of thinking trying to be positive. Sometimes with no success or it’s just temporary.

Having expectations can sometimes hurt you. Sometimes, an event that didn’t work as you planned happens, the voice in your head starts to tell you negative things and it’s not really what’s happening… It triggered something deep down and makes old feelings come back from a long time ago and makes you angry, disappointed, depressed or all of the above.

Sometimes your gut tells you it’s real, but what if your gut is wrong and you’re making it up?

Ever since I started high school, I was pretty much a loner. My best friend decided to abandon me for other friends… you know… when we are kids, we do dumb things. That’s pretty much when I started to be a loner and people started to make fun of me because I was always by myself and started to be bullied by others. I lost trust in people and it carries on today. I always found it hard to make friends ever since.

I got better with time, but I cannot say I have a true friend that I can trust at 100% except my parents and husband. I’m always scared of being betrayed.

There are some days, I feel like I can trust people and other days when those feelings resurface, I think that maybe it’s better that I keep it for myself and shouldn’t trust anyone. That I shouldn’t rely on anyone. That’s when I feel alone in this immense world…

Every time, I tell myself that everything will be alright. That what I am feeling right now is just feelings from the past resurfacing and it doesn’t mean it will happen again. I try to ignore these thoughts and tell myself that I have a husband, a family who loves me and that’s all that matters.

Just be you and don’t worry about the little things…
Everything will be just fine!

Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

One thought on “Resurfaced Feelings…

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